in search of Utopian Serendipity

The Trust Game

2010-01-20T18:08:00.001+05:30

Do you remember that trust game that we used to play as kids, the one where two people stand facing each other and the third person stands in between and using his feet as the anchor, pivots back and forth between the two stationary people. Now imagine you are playing this game, and one of the people who you are trusting to catch you before u fall and push you back up, uses one hand to say, dig his nose, and barely catches u with one hand and pushes you back. Now remember, he hasn’t exactly let you fall, as yet. The next time, the same guy, uses one hand to suddenly scratch his ass, while again barely managing to support you with the free hand. Would you trust him enough to trust him the third time? Think about it.

The Trust Game

2010-01-20T18:08:00.000+05:30

2010-01-19T02:14:00.002+05:30

Everyone learns my language,

But nobody understands me.

Is it too much to ask, for a simpler tongue?

Spaces are wide, with thoughts between them,

Streets are empty with no souls inside.

Till far away the city envelopes us,

Yet words are lost, before they reach the mind.

Autumn and Winter. Spring and Rain.

Come and go with no reason nor rhyme.

Where is the meaning, I ask sometimes.

Or is it too soon to expect that much.

Just then a sunflower, catches my eye.

And a leap of faith, I take.

the perfect circle

2009-03-17T00:14:00.002+05:30

i see her eyes, all swollen and red.
the thin line, an excuse for a mouth.
each tear that falls, inspires anger in me.
each word from her, an implore unheard.

those you love the most, hurt you.
and those who love you the most, you end up hurting.
is this the plan that He had envisioned?
is this the justice that plies this world?

lies, deceit, hurt and more
is the human heart equipped to take?
where oh where, is the land,
that land of rainbows and sunny lakes.

the starry sky, the moon, the breeze.
all stand witness to this game of life.
this game that has a hundred rules.
and whos players turn black through the night.

2009-03-08T23:19:00.002+05:30

life somehow always finds a way to screw you over. happy or sad. angry or calm. buzy or jobless. alive or dead. nothing is ever good enough. if you have 'a' you want 'b', and then 'c' and so on. why isnt what we get ever enough? one facet of life is perfectly in place, say 'a', and almost seems to be overpowering the fact that 'b', 'c' and 'd' are in a mess, so, now just to "shake" things up a bit, 'b', 'c' or 'd' will kick you so hard in the butt that you'll go reeling wondering how in the world were you living in a state on ignorant bliss. its crap. life sucks. the end.

p.s.- except for facet 'a', which is the only good thing right now :)

one of my favorite poems of all times..

2009-03-06T00:26:00.001+05:30

The Highwayman

PART ONE

THE wind was a torrent of darkness among the gusty trees,
The moon was a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
The road was a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
And the highwayman came riding—
Riding—riding—
The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn-door.

He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin,
A coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin;
They fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh!
And he rode with a jewelled twinkle,
His pistol butts a-twinkle,
His rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the jewelled sky.

III

Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
And he tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

And dark in the dark old inn-yard a stable-wicket creaked
Where Tim the ostler listened; his face was white and peaked;
His eyes were hollows of madness, his hair like mouldy hay,
But he loved the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's red-lipped daughter,
Dumb as a dog he listened, and he heard the robber say—

"One kiss, my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize to-night,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
Yet, if they press me sharply, and harry me through the day,
Then look for me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way."

He rose upright in the stirrups; he scarce could reach her hand,
But she loosened her hair i' the casement! His face burnt like a brand
As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast;
And he kissed its waves in the moonlight,
(Oh, sweet, black waves in the moonlight!)
Then he tugged at his rein in the moonliglt, and galloped away to the West.

PART TWO

He did not come in the dawning; he did not come at noon;
And out o' the tawny sunset, before the rise o' the moon,
When the road was a gypsy's ribbon, looping the purple moor,
A red-coat troop came marching—
Marching—marching—
King George's men came matching, up to the old inn-door.

They said no word to the landlord, they drank his ale instead,
But they gagged his daughter and bound her to the foot of her narrow bed;
Two of them knelt at her casement, with muskets at their side!
There was death at every window;
And hell at one dark window;
For Bess could see, through her casement, the road that he would ride.

III

They had tied her up to attention, with many a sniggering jest;
They had bound a musket beside her, with the barrel beneath her breast!
"Now, keep good watch!" and they kissed her.
She heard the dead man say—
Look for me by moonlight;
Watch for me by moonlight;
I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way!

She twisted her hands behind her; but all the knots held good!
She writhed her hands till her fingers were wet with sweat or blood!
They stretched and strained in the darkness, and the hours crawled by like years,
Till, now, on the stroke of midnight,
Cold, on the stroke of midnight,
The tip of one finger touched it! The trigger at least was hers!

The tip of one finger touched it; she strove no more for the rest!
Up, she stood up to attention, with the barrel beneath her breast,
She would not risk their hearing; she would not strive again;
For the road lay bare in the moonlight;
Blank and bare in the moonlight;
And the blood of her veins in the moonlight throbbed to her love's refrain .

Tlot-tlot; tlot-tlot! Had they heard it? The horse-hoofs ringing clear;
Tlot-tlot, tlot-tlot, in the distance? Were they deaf that they did not hear?
Down the ribbon of moonlight, over the brow of the hill,
The highwayman came riding,
Riding, riding!
The red-coats looked to their priming! She stood up, straight and still!

VII

Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot, in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment; she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him—with her death.

VIII

He turned; he spurred to the West; he did not know who stood
Bowed, with her head o'er the musket, drenched with her own red blood!
Not till the dawn he heard it, his face grew grey to hear
How Bess, the landlord's daughter,
The landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Had watched for her love in the moonlight, and died in the darkness there.

Back, he spurred like a madman, shrieking a curse to the sky,
With the white road smoking behind him and his rapier brandished high!
Blood-red were his spurs i' the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat.

* * * * * *

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.

Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard;
He taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred;
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

2009-03-05T23:43:00.003+05:30

something that i wrote a long long time ago..in some psychotic state of mind...cant relate to it right now...but since i wrote it...here it is :)

i have learnt how to smile through tearful eyes
i have learnt how to live, when my heart wants to give up and sigh
i have learnt how to sleep, while im filled with anger
i have learnt how to walk away even though others would stop and stare

i have learnt how to love, without once thinking twice
i have also learnt how to be scared, even when the world said it was right
broken pieces shattered and smashed
lie around like memories, of the past i gave away

it wasnt yesterday and neither is it tomorrow
its right now that shakes me and makes me filled with sorrow
a fear of the future, i havent yet discovered
moments of the past, i have yet to recover

today seems so lonesome, i wish i could give it all away
and walk into tomorrow, fresh as a sunny summers day!

for the record...i had butterflies in my stomach

2008-10-20T13:28:00.002+05:30

Sometimes things we say or do hurt people, and sometimes its the things we dont.
Life puts us on such a strange path, each moment is the end of your life till then and the beginning of the rest of it. One might wonder how he decides whose path crosses who. Is it just coincidence or is it a small link in the bigger picture? More importantly, how does one decide who stays? At times something that you do, because you feel it would be better for the other person in the long run actually ends up leaving them shattered, and then of course, you feel like a horrid person for doing what u did, despite the fact that you had their best in mind. But then, who ever said life was a straight road! Its one with bumps, twists, turns and intersections. Ah yes, the intersections thats where I went wrong. Took a turn and then changed my mind, but the only reason I took the turn was because it was a pretty road and I wanted to give it my best shot, unfortunately, for the road, it didn't quite work out the way it was supposed to, and I really am sorry for that. I wish things could have been different, but then, this is what life is, right? If you're reading this, just wanted to say, that I too had butterflies in my stomach.

Here Without You

2008-09-05T01:58:00.000+05:30

A hundred days has made me older
since the last time that i saw your pretty face
a thousand lights had made me colder
and i don't think i can look at this the same
and all the miles had seperate
they disapeared now when i'm dreaming of your face

Im here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but youre still with me in my dreams
and tonight, it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
i hear this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know
and anywhere i go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
and when the last one falls
when it's all said and done
it gets hard but it won't take away my love

Im here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Im here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl its only you and me

Closure..

2008-08-24T05:30:00.003+05:30

The supreme power of closure. It is that moment in time when you can look to your left and see clearly all that you've been through and gotten over and when you look to your right you see a brand new world waiting for you to jump in. That is also the moment when one puts an end to a cherished want, wish or dream that may or may not have been realised.
One never realises what one has until it is lost but it is also true that one never knows what one is missing until it arrives. I truly believe that everything in this world happens for a reason. God has a plan for our lives. But that super plan which holds the reasons for all the happenings is completely unfolded before us only at the End. The same end, where I earlier said, everything is "ok".

All Out of Love

2008-06-20T14:16:00.002+05:30

I am lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you're hurt too
but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that
I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh, so right

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

2008-06-20T00:31:00.005+05:30

Sometimes in life when everything is going perfectly well and happiness is at its peak, a thought crosses one's mind, "whats gonna go wrong now?". Its not just about being pessimistic, even the most optimistic souls have had this query pass through their minds at times of extreme euphoria. It is normal human tendency. We're so used to life's ups and downs that when we're floating on the highest high, instead of reveling in the moment we're thinking of how low the roller coaster will take us now. Despite trying very hard not to think of what would go wrong in my lowest low, which was inevitable as i was on cloud number 9, I slipped and fell into the murky waters of despair. I curse the day that those negative thoughts entered my mind. I am a true believer of positive thinking. We can get what we want to get and we can be who we want to be. We just have to want it enough.

"its weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends and back to being practically strangers again and it all happens so fast."

But then again, like I said, I don't live in the real world, I live on another realm, one that is magical and fairytale like, where things are always ok in the end, and so I still believe
,

"everything is always ok in the end and if its not ok its not the end"

2008-06-13T15:19:00.003+05:30

Sometimes certain things have an aura about them. So much so that they become almost intimidating to our normal red blooded selves. In fact, we tend to glorify and idolize them to such levels that they eventually seem surreal, something that exists only in a utopian world. But, there comes a time in life, when in that split second, there is no intimidation, no fear of the result and the best bet seems to be, to just do it. This is what i call the point of no return. Once you've arrived here, you're like a ball at the tip of a downward slope, and Im not referring to "downward" in a bad, downfall sort of way. Its liberating, exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. Your mind, heart and body seem to be experiencing a thousand different emotions at the very same time. But now that you've done it, after about a million hours of contemplation, its another hill you've gone over and another feather in your cap of life. :)

अन एम्प्टी mind इस अ डेविल्स वर्कशॉप

2008-06-11T13:21:00.003+05:30

I sometimes wonder..how life would've been different had I not been as much "me" as I am. For mind those of you who dont know "me", I'm referring to the adamant, head strong and determined part of me. There have been so many times when I have fought my way through adversities and gotten exactly what I wanted. Correction, what I "thought" I wanted. But what if this isn't what I really want. What if God had a plan for me and because of my stiff necked attitude I went against that plan. This would technically mean that I am now lost in the big bad world, away from the path that He had chosen for me. Its a scary thought, and not one that I like to ponder upon often, but then like the title suggests, an empty mind truly takes one on these ill-flavoured journies and all I can do is hope that He will guide me back if I have unknowingly deferred.

All's well that begin's well

2008-06-07T20:06:00.002+05:30

I used to think that philosophy was a thing for those who couldn't bear to come to terms with the real world...until I became one of those people who divulge in such things of the mind and have brief but intense interludes which help them realise the true meaning of their being. Why are we here on Earth? Its a heavy question and I'm sure its crossed your mind at various stages of life.. I don't claim to have an answer to that one..I'm not even going to try..its merely one of those questions that are let out into the universal sea of unanswered questions and remains there until a certain someone catches a hold of it and answers it specifically for you. But mind you, this isnt a universal answer and as I said, is applicable only to you.
For those of you who by now think that I'm a crazed woman rambling on and on about nothing in particular, here's what this post was about,
"Someone Somewhere is made for YOU"

cheerios until next time :)